I calculated that it would take me 43 days to drive around the circumference of the Earth three times at 70mph.
I also calculated:
* During this trip, my fingernails would grow by 4.29mm
* If I listened only to Ashlee Simpson and the average Ashlee Simpson song is 3 minutes in length, I could listen to 20742 Ashlee Simpson songs.
* If, for every hour that I endure the torture that is Ashlee Simpson, I stand a 1% chance of driving off a cliff (non-cumulative), I will be tempted to drive off a cliff 1037 times and the chance of successfully finishing 3 complete trips around the world is only .2%
* If we make the percentage chance cumulative (to simulate me losing my mind as I listen to more and more Ashlee Simpson) the chance of survival is so small that Windows Calculator wouldn’t display it.
* If 20 bugs kill themselves on my windshield every hour, by the end of the trip, my car will have slain 20740 bugs.
* The total number of bugs killed, using 2mg as the average body mass of a bug, results in 1/10th of a pound of bug splatter.
* Assuming that the Earth is 75% water and my car magically travels under/over water at the same rate of speed as on roads, by the end of the journey I will have driven 54180 miles under/over water.
* Using the average population density of the US (31/km) and the length from coast to coast (4630.91km), and assuming that in a 1km radius from where I am, only .1% of people will be in the path of my car, during my 3 trips I will inadvertently run over 430 people in America alone. Note that most of these collisions will most definitely result in fatalities since I will be travelling at 70mph and will most likely be in some deranged state due to listening to Ashlee Simpson nonstop. Also note I’m not factoring in any deceleration caused by car-person collisions.
* I would be fatigued for approximately 99.22% of this epic undertaking since it’s a 1037 hour trip and I’d only be alert for maybe 8 hours of that.
Assumptions:
1. My car not only magically travels over water, but also passes through buildings and natural obstacles without harm.
2. I never need to stop for anything ever.
3. There are no pauses between Ashlee Simpson songs - it’s like an Ashlee Simpson megamix. Adding a 5 second pause to each song lowers the number of songs listened to 19942, but has no meaningful effect on my odds of survival.
4. Even though my odds of survival for cumulative risk are exceptionally low by day 42 of the journey, maximum risk for each insanity-cliff-jumping trial caps at 99.999999999 percent.
