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I left my car parked in KCI economy parking while I was gone and last night at 11:30pm or so, I was taking the airport-provided bus to the lot to get my car. The only passengers were myself and some girl. The bus driver asked what bus stop our cars were near, and the girl said “B12″, which just happened to be the same as mine. So, therefore I said nothing.

The bus got to B12, I grabbed my bag and jumped out of the bus. The girl disembarked as well and the bus vanished.

Now, it just so happened that in the first millisecond of me walking to my car, I realized that this girl’s car was generally in the same direction. Mine was actually parked beyond hers - the same vector from the point we were at, only a farther distance. In the second millisecond, I realized that this girl looked afraid for her life as she hurriedly rolled her bag towards her car, giving me furtive glances, just waiting for the moment when I would somehow magically pull out a 12-gauge shotgun from the t-shirt and shorts I was wearing.

This caused a dilemma. I could either slow down and let her get really far ahead so as to prove I had no intentions of killing her, or speed up and prove that the only thing that mattered to me was getting to my own car. The problem with the former is that it could have reinforced the stereotype of the dark silent stalker that just walks really slow. You know, kind of like Rutger Hauer in “The Hitcher”. Or maybe a zombie. The problem with the latter is that she could interpret my increase in speed as an attempt to get in front of her to block her escape or something.

My mind weighed these two options with both of these possible consequences and I made the only logical choice: maintain my current vector and speed. I further resolved to get the remote unlock for my car out of my pocket and start furiously pressing it in hopes that the girl would realize my priority was only to get in my car and get home. Sadly, however, my remote unlock has about a 10 foot effective radius.

She continued to cast sideways glances at me. When our paths finally took us near her car, she stopped in front of the door with her hand in her purse, glaring at me. I guess this was some sort of “I might have mace in my purse but I obviously don’t since it would have been confiscated by airport security so I’m just going to pretend I might be holding a weapon” reaction. My eyes fixed firmly on my destination, I just continued past her while beating the hell out of my remote unlock.  I eventually got to my car and went home without further incident.

This is not the first time this has happened to me. Actually, similar things have happened a lot. People that know me doubt the truth of these stories…until they see my serious face. When I am by myself and I’m walking around, I always look exceptionally serious and vaguely pissed off. I can’t do the serious face on demand; you have to catch me by chance as I’m walking around by myself.

But seriously, if I was going to rape/murder women, I don’t think I’d be trying to do it while simultaneously carrying around a huge piece of luggage. And…I’d probably be wearing something other than a t-shirt and shorts. However, now that I think of it, airport parking lots are probably good places to commit those kinds of crimes, if that’s your thing, precisely because you can be assured that most everyone has no weapons.