The text in this post assumes a knowledge of what “tea-bagging” is. If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you. OK, disclaimer over, let’s roll…
I was digging through things and I found Battlefield 2 for PC; a game I very nearly forgot I owned. I loved the original Battlefield 1942 and wasted a sizable chunk of one year playing it. However, I was spoiled with BF:1942 because I played with my roommates, who generally are about as good as I am and take games just as seriously (that is, not at all). Score was irrelevant compared to awesome stunts and interesting new ways to die.
At some point they all stopped playing computer games. I, however, soldiered on and bought BF2 hoping to relive some of those memories. I installed it, downloaded patches, joined a multiplayer server, and had a game that went exactly like this:
The game starts. I’m standing in a field. I run and run and run and run and run. I’m hit and killed by a friendly tank. I respawn, run and run and run and run and run and I’m killed by an enemy I never saw, who comes over and teabags my corpse. I never fired a bullet or saw an enemy directly. I quit to Windows and uninstalled the game, never to play again.
If there are online stats, you could probably look me up and see that I have 0 kills, 2 deaths and a playtime of about 10 minutes…most of which was spent running. That is only slightly better than the stats I acquired playing wurmonline - in that game I started running forward from my start point and ended up in an ocean where I quickly drowned because I was talking on the phone and couldn’t turn around to escape. Total playtime: about 4 minutes.
Am I lame? Yes, I fully admit it. I don’t have much patience for internet people. There’s nothing weirder than fighting alongside a teammate in Halo 3 and then hearing them shriek in prepubescent glee as they get a killing frenzy. Yep, just kind of ruins the whole immersion thing. Maybe I’m old already.
